there is always one person you love who becomes that definition . it usually happens retrospectively , but it happens eventually . this is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people , even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable . the person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else , and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really , really , want to love someone . but that person still wins . they win , and you lose . because for the rest of your life , they will control how you feel about everyone else .